Your Pain Will Make You Beautiful
Today my heart hurt for you. It really, actually physically hurt for you.
After class today, you were acting strange. Like the annoying, misbehaving-but-actually-trying-to-act-tough kinda strange. I could see past the attitude that there was confusion and pain. And I asked you what had happened. You told me that your friend is moving to another country on Friday.
Oh Yusuf. In the past three years you’ve moved quite a few times. You’ve seen so many people come and go and said enough goodbyes to last you a few years. But things have been falling back into place. There hasn’t been a goodbye since this summer when your friend left, and since Papa died. But today you had to say another goodbye. And I know it hurt because you had just formed this new and exciting friendship, just in time for it to be snatched away from you again.
Do you know what my reaction was when you told me about your friend moving away? I laughed. I actually laughed out loud. But I wasn’t laughing at you baby, and what you told me was anything but funny. I laughed because I wanted to cry. I’ll tell you a secret about me; I hate crying in front of people. I’ll do anything to avoid it, even if it means laughing. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. But it wasn’t a total fail moment as a mother. I was able to pull myself together and try to make you feel better. We talked about you keeping in touch with this friend. And inshaAllah tomorrow, well talk about it again.
I know no matter what I say, I can’t take that pain away. I wish I could. I wish I could make all your friends stay and promise that you’ll never have to say another goodbye ever again. But you will. You’ll have to say lots of goodbyes. To be honest, these goodbyes are possibly preparing you for more painful ones in the future. But you will be okay, I promise.
Have you ever heard of kintsugi? Kintsgui is a Japanese art form where any cracks and imperfections are actually filled in with gold, resulting in something gorgeous. And you know what baby? This is what is happening to you. Allah is taking people away from you. He is allowing your heart to crack a little. But the end result will be something beautiful. With His Permission, that emptiness will be filled with gold. You will gain something you would have never gained if you hadn’t lost. Allah will not let you down. People will leave you. But Allah never will. And if you hold onto Him, you will come out stronger, braver, and wiser.
Hold on tight Yusuf, I know its hard. But the end result will be worth it.
Your pain will make you beautiful.
With love and duas,
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