Back to Home School and the Emotional Roller Coaster that comes Along With It

 

To My Three Babies, clouds

You are growing up, and its scaring me.  By all means, Im loving the slight increase of physical independence and all that, but, really, it can be scary.  Like form-a-knot-in-my-stomach type scary.

As the summer heat begins to subside and our memories of cottaging and camping slip further into the past, a new wave of emotions always seem to come over me this time of the year – back to school, or for us, back to homeschool.

Social media is flooding with friend’s kids’ pictures with their new backpacks and crisp school uniforms… and Ill admit – I find them super cute and exciting and make sure to like almost every one.  And trust me, the thought of how nice it would feel to send you munchkins away – especially now that all three of you are school aged! – has crossed my mind many times.  But then I try to reevaluate this whole homeschooling decision of ours, well mine.

I say mine because I know as a family, we all think homeschooling is cool (most of the time), you guys like it, and Baba supports me, but I know the moment I say its time for school, it will be time for school.  Because at the end of the day, the final decision lays with me.  And that’s heavy.

When you guys were younger, just learning how to read, and still amused by finger painting, it was really easy to be enthusiastic about my choice to homeschool.  After all I did ECE in school and was not going to send my kids to preschool / KG when I was qualified to teach you myself.  But now we’ve past that point.  When people start to ask me about what exactly you’re doing in math, or how your understanding of grammar is, I get nervous.  I start to doubt myself, I start asking myself if Im really doing the right thing.

I want you to know this because I think it’s important you know my thought process behind this major life shaping decision I have made for you.  I still believe in homeschooling and the awesome benefits that come out of it.  I still believe its the right choice for us, now.  But the more experience I get, the more I realize there really is no 100% set method for raising kids. Homeschooling will have its downfalls.  You see me at my most vulnerable states, you see me stressed, you see me exhausted, you see me frustrated.  And sometimes the guilt creeps in and I feel maybe I should put you in school.

But then we have the most awesome heart to hearts.  We connect.  You see me improve, you see me admit my mistakes, you see me be human.  And thats okay.

Ive come to learn that one of the best remedies for me when Im having doubts about homeschooling is to go back and look what we’ve done, the memories we’ve made, and how far we’ve come.  Its so easy to get lost in the day to day redundancy.  But when I take a step back and see the bigger picture Im reminded why I made this choice.

Back in the day when I was so enthusiastic and bubbly about our choice to homeschool, and when people were negative and I just wanted to end our conversation with them, Id say, this is whats best for our family right now, and thats why I have made this choice.  I can’t say for how long we will homeschool, but we’ll just take it day by day.

So that’s what we’ll do.  As the parks get quieter in the day time, and more people in stores start asking you why you’re not in school, we will tell them that we homeschool, because thats what works best for our family, today.

And as we go further down this journey of homeschooling together, the voices of doubt may seem to get louder at times, but I have faith that the feelings of accomplishment, connection and content will also strengthen.

I love you three so much.  You’re the reason I get out of bed every morning, literally, even on days I want to sleep in!  It is an honour and pleasure to grow and learn with you.  I’m looking forward to this new homeschooling year together.

With all my love and duas,
Momma

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One Comment

  1. Eva September 10, 2016 at 10:26 AM

    MashaAllah I loved this letter! I also have the same doubts about homeschooling these days. For the first time, I considered actually seriously sending my eldest to school! But a few things happened to remind me of why I wanted to homeschool in the first place. May Allah guide us to do what is best for our children and families Ameen 🙂

     

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