30 Tips in Implementing Islamic Parenting
Every parent desires that his child should grow up to be a pious, upright and productive individual. This does not happen by mere wishful thinking, rather a concerted effort needs to be made. There are two aspects of parenting: effort and result. We need to make the correct effort and leave the result to Allah. We should not be overly concerned about the result or neglect the effort.
Parenting is a full-time job. So much of children’s time is spent outside the home and away from parents, that parents think their only responsibility is feeding them, clothing them and looking after their monetary needs.
1. The most effective parenting method is leading by example.
2. Upbringing is the result of effort by both parents.
3. A happy relationship between the parents is essential for the child’s proper upbringing. Children who grow up in a household where parents constantly fight and argue, often slide into a shell and develop a distaste for their parents company.
4. If the mindset of upbringing children is purely materialistic, we are bound to stray from religious objectives and goals. Do not fulfill all the wishes of the child or else he/she will become spoiled and grow up with the belief that they should get everything they want.
5. Inculcate in them the love for simplicity and hatred for pomp and grandeur.
6. Show them the consequences of greed, wastage and unnecessary spending of money.
7. Teach them to be satisfied with adequate portions of wholesome and healthy food. Never encourage overeating and junkfood. Treats should be saved for special occasions and not be indulged in on a daily basis. Much of today’s poor health is a result of overeating on a regular basis.
8. Instilling Hayaa (shame and modesty) in one’s children is essential. The current day environment and secular institutes in particular aim to destroy this natural hayaa by bombarding them with constant images of shamelessness and immodesty. Most children have become immune to immorality, violence and other major sins as a result.
9. Encourage them to wake up early and sleep after Isha. Establish a daily routine of ibadaat, study and play for them. Avoid allowing them to stay up late into the night.
10. Teach children to refrain from doing acts which are displeasing to Allah and against the Sunnah, no matter what the circumstances may be. Instill in them that obedience to Allah is above obedience to anyone else.
11. Boys should be encouraged to work hard and help look after their parents and siblings. Girls should be taught to upkeep a home, look after the young and learn basic skills necessary for running a home. In the upbringing of girls and boys, always be conscious of their different roles in life. Negligence in this regard has resulted in many young marriages falling apart.
12. Win your children over with constant love and attention. If he/she does not find it from the parents, they may go looking for it in haraam places.
13. When the child does something wrong, correct him/her in private in a soft and persuasive manner. If they repeat the act, punish them appropriately.
14. Punishment is necessary in certain circumstances. Do not refrain from all forms of punishment because of excessive love for the child. The child needs to learn that there are consequences to face for unacceptable behaviour. One effective form of punishment is to deprive him of privileges or making him abstain from something he likes to do.
15. Never punish them when you are angry.
16. Spend quality time with the children on a daily or weekly basis. Experience their joys and sorrows with them, do daily chores with them and help them with their school work.
17. Daily read stories of the Sahaabah and pious people with them.
18. Screen their use of the television, internet and social networks. Never allow them to have unlimited use of the internet or a television in their bedrooms.
19. Good habits need to be instilled from a young age and bad ones corrected before they become ingrained.
20. The child should be accustomed to doing salaat, dua and dhikr from a young age.
21. Ensure that the child receives good islamic education. Many muslim parents go out of their way to establish grounds for their secular studies, yet they sorely neglect their islamic education.
22. Embedd the love of Allah Ta’ala and Rasullulah (sallaahu alayhi wasallam) in their hearts.
23. Don’t ever feel that ‘my child is an angel’ and can never do anything wrong. Make him/her admit their mistakes and apologize when necessary.
24. Unislamic speech and other behaviours should be corrected before they are allowed to develop into habit.
25. Particular attention to be given to children’s clothing. The way a child dresses has a positive or negative affect on his/her thinking and outlook. Tight fitting clothes or clothes which emulate those of immoral people, should be actively dissuaded.
26. Respect and good manners to elders, relatives, teachers and fellow citizens in general should be constantly ingrained in one’s children.
27. Talking back and shouting should never be tolerated by parents.
28. One of the major defects in today’s society is the lack of humility in people. Social media has made pride, ego and self glorification a ‘good characteristics’ in a person. A child needs to be kept in check of growing arrogance and pride in himself/herself.
29. The habit of doing one’s own work should be inculcated in the child so that he does not become lazy and dependent on others.
30. Make constant dua for the children and never curse them.